Monday, January 23, 2006

Well, it appears that there is nothing wrong with "DP." We spoke on the phone last night while I was at Colleen's house. He is a great guy, but I just don't think I can do this any longer. He is so far away, and I can't get seriously involved because I feel like I still have a lot of living to do. Maybe that makes me a heartless person, or worse, maybe it makes me the one thing that Mormons fear and loathe the most: a woman with goals and aspirations outside of the home.

I'm not going to sit at home watching Oprah and baking cookies waiting for someone to knock on my door.

Does that make me a bad person? It's not like I didn't put forth effort to fulfill Mormon obligations... I went to freaking BYU for four years, I served a mission... I'm prepared. And it's not like I haven't dated... but the guys who are drawn to me usually have some major flaw, like homosexuality/child molesting/living-in-the-tundra that prevents anything romantically permanent.

The LDS church has addressed this, in short, by saying that women who are single should pursue an education and career in order to be self-sufficient. That's exactly what I'm doing. I have a B.F.A. with Honors from BYU. In August, I will have a M.Ed. And now I am studying for the LSAT. So why do I feel so bad?

I am partially frustrated because the majority of my friends are married and have children, and whether intentionally or unintentionally, they treat me like I'm somehow inferior, and that my plans mean nothing. "W" is a prime example.

The situation with "A" is more upsetting because I believe it was unintentional. I haven't seen her in several years and she invited me to her family's temple sealing. She is still one of my best friends from BYU and we talk almost daily. She asked me to be her temple escort.

So even though I am almost living completely off of student loans, I bought a round-trip plane ticket to Orlando, a non-refundable ticket, because that was all I could afford. I planned my trip with her on the phone while I purchased the ticket online. She was involved in every step of the planning. I had to replan my entire semester of graduate classes so I could get the time off.

And today she called to pretty much tell me not to come because her husband made plans with his friend and there wasn't room for me. I am upset because I feel like that was incredibly inconsiderate, especially considering my financial situation. Now I have a bizillion dollar credit on Southwest Air that I really don't think I'll be able to use. This is yet another example of me bending over backwards for someone and them not appreciating it.

And I'm just supposed to grin and bear it, and be understanding and even sympathetic (while completely screwed over) because, well golly, she is married and has more important committments to her husband and family.

I love how all of my married friends expect me to be completely flexible and understanding. Either intentionally or unintentionally, they don't respect me at all under the presumption that single people's lives and plans are somehow inferior and less important.

What gives?


LifeOnaPlate said...


My favorite was when my married friends would say "Blair, you just don't know what it's like being married, how financially hard it is..."

I thought: "that's interesting. i've live on my own for a few years and I understand my finances. you lived with mom and dad until the day you were married. I think I got a handle on it."

And being single, you are always the one expected to change plans, be available, et al.