So I went to a church function recently where one of the girls was going on and on about some guy- a great catch, she said. In her words, his family was loaded, but she said she would never go out with him because he had "chinky eyes." (yes, this is wrong on sooo many levels) This girl then went on to speculate on the genetic origins of his "chinkiness" (yes, she actually used that hateful word). She wondered out loud, "Maybe his mom is half chink."

W... T... F...

In the light of this event, as well as the recent Racist Spanish Olympic Basketball Team fiasco, I'm going to offer you all a brief tutorial. 

If you are my friend (or "chin-gu," as I call it in my mother-tongue), you can joke with me about the following things:

* my penchant for taking too many photos, especially multiple pictures of the same thing

* my affinity for Korean melon candy and patbingsu (ie: red bean snow cones)

* my love for Pucca stationary products

* my disgustingly amazing ability to achieve a perfect tan in one afternoon

If you suspect someone is Asian, you should probably not do the following things:

* make that disgusting gesture where you hold up the corners of your eyes (ie: the Spanish Olympic Basketball Team).

* call them a "halfie," a "guk," a "jap," or a "chink"

* use a Sharpie to write "Jap GO HOME" on the windshield of their car while they are in a gas station (thanks, random bigot from Cedar City, it was really fun cleaning that off!)

* use a Sharpie to write "Jap GO HOME" on their apartment door (thanks, random bigot in Provo! Seriously peeps, is that a line from a movie or something? Why do random bigots keep writing that on my stuff?!? K, it's only been two people in almost 30 years, but still...)

* refuse to rent them an apartment on the grounds that they "might make Chinese food that stinks up the house" (ahhh, gotta love Provo)

* assume they're from a country that they're not really from, and then gush on about how you served your mission in this country, and gush on and on about how you "love their people"

Oh yah, and did I mention that the forementioned church activity was a thinly veiled attempt at fellowshipping less active members? No, really, it was. Eek.

So I pretty much had the best first day of school ever today. Only 25 kids showed up, which was great, because I was told I'd have 30+ kids. Believe it or not, five kids makes a big difference. (Think about it. Imagine you have NO kids, and then suddenly you have FIVE kids. Big difference, right???) There were no major outbursts, no tears (from me or the kids), and no first graders tried to stab me this year. All in all, it was pretty awesome.

 In the immortal words of Edwin McCain, "I could not ask for more." *

* ...with the exception of more salary, AND more papers/pencils/crayons for my kids. And another teacher in our grade level so that we could actually follow the class size reduction mandate. 

Maybe I'm way out of line here, but my close friend's wedding is coming up in a couple months and I expect my boyfriend to attend the wedding with me. He refuses. Am I really out of line for wanting him to come? Question here...

This one is for my lady friends who are married. So that means pretty much all of you. 

1. When you have a social function, such as a close friend's wedding, high school reunion, mission reunion, etc... Do you expect your husband to attend with you?

2. Does your husband willingly attend or does he act like a mopey poop the whole time?

Wise Words #7

"I don't need to throw around my degree from Northwestern or my juris doctorate to be condescending. I can do just fine being condescending on my own."
- (with love) S.G.

Dear Wendy,

Remember when we used to make up interpretive dances to Britney Spears's songs? AHEM. I mean, remember when our "friends" used to make up interpretive dances to the aforementioned songs?

Well, my college friend Drew made one real humdinger of a video. I can't stop watching it. And so I find myself forcing it on all of you.

Feel free to watch it over and over again. My favorite part comes at about 2:57, and it involves a family of ducks. 

Love, 

Heather

PS: Watch this one by the same artist. Only if you have time, of course. This one is a beautiful rendition of a beloved Primary song. And no, I'm not a heathen. So there.

Can we get a little RESPECT?

Seriously. The Spanish Olympic basketball team released these photos:

What in the name of cultural tolerance were they thinking? How disrespectful and downright disgusting!

"It was something, like, supposed to be funny or something but never offensive in any way," said Spainish center Pau Gasol, who also plays for the LA Lakers, in this article, which contains some real gems. In case you don't have time to read it, here are the highlights:

Frank Zhang (spokesperson from Li Ning, a Spanish clothing brand) said, "...the gesture shows that the Spanish team is so humorous, relaxing and cute. They sat around a dragon pattern, which we think showed respect to the Chinese."
Listen here, Frank. It was humorous and cute until y'all started making hate gestures.

Manuel Calderon, one of the Spanish players (who plays for NBA's Toronto Raptors), said, "We have great respect for the far East and its people. Some of my best friends in Toronto are originally Chinese..."
Ohhhhhh, okay. Some of your "best friends" are Chinese? Like we haven't heard that racially insidious qualifier before. Hmm... George Wallace, the trademark racist governor of Alabama in the 1960's, apologized for his segregationist ways in the documentary George Wallace: Settin' the Woods of Fire (2000). How so? Wallace said, "some of my best friends are black." 

Sure they are. Sure they are...

This was shared today by a friend. Thanks Amanda E.!!!

warning: there is some mild language (ie: d***a**) and one questionable image.

This Land! | Funny Jokes at JibJab